She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize