btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
