I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
