I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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