just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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