This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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