How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
