I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize