He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
