He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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