i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
