I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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