Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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