Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
