You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
