why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
