I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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