Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
