So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
