i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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