I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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