i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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