yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
