I have demons in me.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
