My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
4 words: hood of his car
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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