is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
