And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Houston, we have a blender
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize