4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
