you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm at about main and main street
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
