and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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