You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
