You're a womanizer and a bitch.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
