dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
