Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Randomize
