Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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