Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
