This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
