I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize