The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
