I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize