he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I think I sprained my soul last night
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Randomize