All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
