I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
