Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I want to have your abortion
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
