maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
she smelled like a LAN party
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
