He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
