My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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