He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
