If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My vagina is very pro this idea
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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