Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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