We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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