I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
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