If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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