i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
