I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
