My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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