Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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