She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
