You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
