Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
