So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize