You really coming over, don't trick.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
