it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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