That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize