At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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