Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize