woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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