Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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