Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
sex in a hospital.. check
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
