She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
