i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
