why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
