literally had 100 drinks last night.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
