Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
