Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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